The End Of The X Factor?

This week it was officially confirmed that the fuzzy-haired, high-waisted, man-boobed Cowell would not be returning to this year’s series of The X Factor.  He’s chosen instead to concentrate on making and breaking dreams stateside as part of the launch of the US version, which is of course in no way the same show as ‘American Idol’. No, no similarities at all.

Those who know me well know that I’ve despised this ‘talent’ show for many years now, and I truly hope that this will be the nail in the coffin. In this week’s update, I’ll try to keep the ranting to a minimum as I explain why.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been asked whether I’ll be applying for this year’s X Factor. All the money in the world and all the tea in China would not persuade me to apply. And it’s not because I think I’d ever stand a chance of winning (for the record, I don’t), it’s mainly because I believe that this show doesn’t represent talent in any shape or form.

Exhibit A – The Jedward/Wagner Show

Do I need to say any more? Really? The minute these two were placed in the live shows, implying that they were in the top twelve acts in the UK, something went horribly wrong.

Exhibit B – The Curse

Have you ever thought it weird how many of the X Factor winners have faded into obscurity? Steve Brookstein, Shayne Ward, Leon Jackson, Joe McElderry, and soon-to-be Matt Cardle. That’s every single male winner since the show began. The only winners to have acheived any kind of artistic success are Leona Lewis (arguably the best contestent they’ve had) and Alexandra Burke. The latter appears to have recently moved into advertising deodorant, so may soon go the way of Brookstein et al.

Exhibit C – The X Factor Drinking Game

The show has become so formulaic that even the judges appear to have become bored with the format. Try playing the following drinking game this year – every time someone utters one of the following phrases, drink a shot:

  • “We’ve not seen the best of you yet”
  • “That was the wrong song choice”
  • “That song was too big for you”
  • “That has to be the worst performance I have ever seen”
  • “I didn’t like it..[cue booing from the audience]…I loved it [cue a musical interlude of ‘You Raise Me Up’]”
  • “You’ve got the likeability factor”
  • “You’ve been on a real journey to get here”
We bid a farewell, then, to the Dark Lord. Don’t come back in a hurry Mr Cowell.
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